Sex, Shame & Survival: The Hidden Link Between Porn Addiction and Binge Eating

By Becky Stone, Specialist Eating Disorder Therapist - Guest blog for Derek Flint Counselling & Psychotherapy

 Becky Stone, Specialist Eating Disorder Therapist

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.”– Dr. Gabor Maté"

Porn addiction and binge eating may seem like separate struggles on the surface. But inside the therapy room, we often see how they coexist in silence, feeding off the unmet needs: the need to feel soothed, safe, and connected.

In my work as a therapist specialising in eating disorders, I’ve partnered with Derek Flint, whose deep expertise in porn and sex addiction brings a trauma-informed, compassionate lens to a topic still shrouded in shame. Together, we’ve supported clients navigating overwhelm, secrecy, and cycles of emotional dysregulation where both food and sexual behaviours become ways to escape, or survive.

Same Cycle, Different Surface - Porn Addiction and Binge Eating

Let’s break down a common pattern we’ve observed.

A client might come to therapy describing a binge–restrict cycle with food. They may mention late-night eating, guilt, and secrecy. Over time, another layer begins to emerge, hours spent watching porn or compulsively seeking sexual content that no longer feels pleasurable, just necessary.

The link?

Dopamine highs followed by shame-filled crashes. A nervous system craving comfort. And a story of survival, not indulgence.

For these clients, both food and porn provide fast, accessible ways to regulate emotion, especially when deeper needs like affection, validation, or stability haven’t been met in healthier ways.

The Role of Trauma and Neurodivergence

Many people we support grew up in environments where vulnerability wasn’t safe. They may have learned to hide emotion, “perform” for love, or manage distress alone. For some, this led to internalised shame, which often appears later in the form of behaviours society deems “bad” or “impulsive.”

We also see this pattern in neurodivergent clients, especially those with ADHD or autism, the need for dopamine, structure, sensory regulation, and routine increases. When unmet, it can lead to repetitive behaviours that offer predictability or soothing, even for a moment.

Working Together: A Collaborative Healing Process

That’s where Derek and I come in.

We work together to offer integrated support: Derek with his specialism in porn and sex addiction, and myself as a therapist trained in disordered eating, binge–restrict cycles, and trauma recovery.

With one client, we introduced:

• Regular meals to regulate blood sugar and reduce impulsive binge urges

• Awareness of triggers that led to late-night porn use after emotional eating

• Dopamine tracking, to explore what their brain was seeking

• Serotonin-boosting foods, like complex carbs and proteins, to support mood

• A values-led evening routine, helping the client reconnect with meaning and choice rather than shame and secrecy

• 
  

What changed wasn’t just behaviour.

It was the story they told themselves.

Shame Can’t Heal in Silence

One of the most painful things clients express is the belief that they are "disgusting" or “broken.” When both sex and food are tangled up in shame, people often carry an unbearable silence.

They might say:

“No one else does this.” “I feel good for 5 minutes, then hate myself.” “I don’t understand why I can’t stop.”

"I don't look into the mirror."

But we do. And we understand it because it’s common, even rarely discussed.

Shame thrives in silence. Therapy invites a different response: curiosity, compassion, and co-regulation.

Beyond Behaviour: Reclaiming Safety and Meaning

The goal isn’t to eliminate every urge. It’s to understand them.

Recovery isn’t about willpower. It’s about:

• Learning what your nervous system is asking for

• Creating routines that genuinely regulate

• Replacing secrecy with self-awareness

• Practising nourishment instead of punishment

For some, that looks like building a safe sexual connection.

For others, it means reclaiming food as something joyful, not chaotic.

And often, it’s about doing less, slowing down, getting present, and rebuilding trust in your body.

For Professionals: What to Notice

If you’re a therapist, counsellor or support professional, here are signs that a client may be struggling with both binge eating and porn-related compulsion:

• Describing “loss of control” with multiple behaviours

• Expressing intense guilt after both sexual and food-related actions

• Avoiding emotional topics and focusing only on “fixing” behaviour

• Showing signs of trauma history, neglect, or unmet attachment needs

The key is to avoid separating these experiences. Both can be held together, with zero shame and total honesty.

Final Words: From Shame to Support

If this blog resonates with you, as a client or a practitioner, you’re not alone.

You’re not a failure. You’re not beyond help.

Do what makes you happy.

You’re a human being who’s found ways to cope. Now, it might be time to explore new ones, with support that sees all of you, not just the behaviours on the surface.

About Me – Becky Stone

I’m Becky Stone, a qualified therapist based in Canterbury, UK. I specialises in eating disorders, binge, restrict cycles, and neurodivergence. I offer warm, trauma-informed support for adults and teens navigating body image, binge eating, food rituals, and emotional recovery. My approach is rooted in lived experience, neuroscience, and compassion. 

You can find out more at: www.counsellorwhocares.co.uk

Becky Stone

MBACP DIP Couns

NCFED Master practitioner in eating disorders &obesity 

Clinical supervisor 

BACP/ICF Life coach